Developer: Eurocom
Publisher: THQ
Release Date: November 1992
This is the final THQ game left that is based on a semi-obscure cartoon, but at least it’s a cartoon based on a franchise everyone has heard of. Hey it’s good ol’ James Bond! That’s a franchise perfect for video games. There have been a ton of Bond games over the year running the entire spectrum from classic to garbage. For the curious, the first was the 1982 ZX Spectrum text adventure Shaken but not Stirred. Maybe I’ll get to that one if I ever have time to start reviewing old computer games. Of course James Bond Jr. is a bit different in that it was based on the syndicated 1991 cartoon which featured the adventures of Bond’s hip young nephew. I know that James Bond should probably have dozens of illegitimate children out there, but they make sure and remind you over and over the he is James Bond’s nephew, and not his son. The cartoon itself seems decent enough if you can handle bad British accents. Hey why get actual British teenagers when you could have American adults who sound like they’re sucking on helium balloons? Anyway, I’m getting distracted. After all the episodes were produced and were being syndicated ad-nauseum on local affiliates for kids to watch on sick days, THQ released a video game. Eurocom developed it, and they seemed like a good choice despite being a relatively new developer a the time. They would be extremely prolific for the next two decades, and largely specialize in licensed properties. They would end up making a bunch of James Bond games, but not the most famous ones. Of course this is THQ on NES, so you have to keep your expectations low.
Right when I started playing James Bond Jr. I knew it was going to annoy me. I could tell by the confusing layout that this wasn’t going to be a game I could play for fifteen minutes and fake my way through the review. This isn’t a bad game that’s bad in a normal way. It’s a game trying to be good that ends up finding its own special ways to be bad. It really feels like they were trying too. The game is split up into large levels with specific goals to meet. It’s not a game about going from point a to point b. The first level, for example, has James exploring a mostly subterranean world looking for missiles to diffuse. It’s a game that actually requires exploration which is always welcome in the NES era. The levels are diverse, and it shows that some actual work was put into them. It’s not quite the quickie cash-in that so many of these THQ games have been. Still, it all falls apart in the execution.
There are just too many little annoyances in James Bond Jr. The most obviously annoying part is the combat. James’ gun is just too weak. Even the most standard enemies take a dozen or more hits. This makes for some very tedious battles. I stand there and shoot while knowing that I should dodge sometimes, but there’s a clock constantly counting down. I can’t waste time with strategy when I have to spend so much time shooting. I actually enjoy the timer. I think it adds some needed tension to the game. I just wish that the boring combat didn’t waste so much of the time. There are also mini bosses that take even more shots. None of them are fun to encounter and just have me spamming when I should be engaging.
The controls are annoying as well. The game is not bogged down by commands, but there are still some strange choices. Sometimes James has to log into a computer, so pushing the up button makes him face the front to do so. Unfortunately, this also makes him face forward even when he’s not in front of a computer. If James could point his weapon up with the button instead the game would be much improved. Unfortunately, he can only shoot straight ahead. There is also a truly baffling command where instead of pressing select to toggle through items you have to push select and down at the same time. I have no idea why it is like this. Select isn’t mapped to any other command. Why not just have select do this? I would never have figured this out if I didn’t look at the manual online. How can you make such a vital command so hard to figure out? And you have to figure it out soon because James has to switch to his scuba gear to go underwater. Movement underwater is also quite annoying because instead of just using the control pad to get around you have to tap A to have him swim. This makes swimming harder than it needs to be, but the whole game is harder than it needs to be.
Even without the major annoyances, though, I still don’t think it would end up in the good section. That’s because the more I play it the more it bugs me. Is there anything worse than sliding puzzles? Well James Bond Jr. has sliding puzzles that also include a loud, beeping alarm. This is just unpleasant on unpleasant. It’s hard to even think with the alarm constantly going off, and the puzzles are actually fairly difficult. I appreciate that they were trying to do things besides side-scrolling and boss fights, but sadly it just doesn’t work. Still, THQ could do a lot worse.
So as much as I dislike James Bond Jr. I appreciate the ambition and think it’s one of the better THQ games. It’s not soul-crushingly awful, it’s just an averagely bad game that misses the mark. I suppose they were trying to make something like Impossible Mission for kids. Unfortunately, it ends up being too hard for kids and too annoying for adults. It comes in at #130 on the list which means it’s not quite the cellar dweller that so many THQ games have been. In fact, it’s the second-best THQ game so far. With only two to go it’s likely to stay that way, but you never can tell. I’m just happy that I only have two more games to go before I can play something else. Maybe I’ll play something good after this, but that does seem a bit out of character these days. This makes seven bad games in a row. Of course, since I decide what I’m going to review around here there’s nobody to blame but myself. I hope you are enjoying reading these as much as I have not enjoyed playing them.
NES Quality Percentage: 21/44 or 47.72%
(Images are from mobygames.com again.)
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