NES #18: Home Alone

Developer: Bethesda Softworks

Publisher: THQ

Release Date: 10-1991

Unique Feature: A Joe Pesci that moves like Barry Sanders

I can't even joke about this cover. It's just too easy

My look into the dark world of John Hughes movie games continues with the gaming equivalent of Stanley Kubrick’s Fear and Desire. Kubrick at the time was a photographer with a couple of short film credits who decided he was ready to make narrative films. He took a tiny crew with a micro budget and did just that. The results were an amateurish art house mess that gives almost no clue of the greatness to come. Home Alone is a similar story. THQ got a small developer to make a game to cash in on the Home Alone movie. There were only five people credited on it so it must not have been much of a priority. The developer would go on to make a few more bad licensed games on the NES. Then they would switch directions and make The Elder Scrolls: Arena. Much like Kubrick’s Paths of Glory it would propel Bethesda into the pantheon of great developers where they would go on to make some of the defining games of their generation. Sometimes you have to get your bad ones out of the way early, and oh my is Home Alone ever a bad one.

Come for the pink, stay for the green.

 

I will give Bethesda credit for at least attempting something different. Instead of the typical side scroller it is a weird arcade influenced chase game. It reminds me of something like Mappy. The ultimate goal of the game is to escape the Wet Bandits for twenty minutes. Excluding the pause screen it takes place in real time. Kevin’s only defense is traps that he picks up along the way. The traps only make the Wet Bandits collapse so don’t expect any entertaining animations. Even if you are unable to complete it you still get a score so that’s something. Unfortunately while it sounds like an interesting in concept, it falls apart in the execution. This game is a chore to play.

I can't even describe what's on those bookshelves

 

The main problem is that there just are not enough gameplay option. The entire game takes place in a small, flat house with only a tiny treehouse and basement to break up the monotony. Kevin can’t attack or interact with the environment. He only picks up traps and drops off traps. The bandits are very quick and don’t show up on the map so it’s hard to come up with a strategy. All you do is blindly wander around your house randomly setting traps hoping that nothing bad happens. It doesn’t help that the entire game is wrapped in one of the ugliest packages on the whole system. It has an ugly color palate with an emphasis on pink and green while the objects themselves are largely abstract. It shouldn’t be that hard to represent common household items on the NES, but the developers fail even at that. So not only do you have baffling gameplay to contend with but you will do so while staring at ugly green blobs. It fails by just about any metric.

 

Back in college I used to play it with my friend Dustin almost every day. It was our bad gaming secret handshake. Some friends share bad movies while we shared bad games. As a consequence I will always have a soft spot for this one. I acknowledge that it is a bad game, but at least it’s bad in an interesting and compelling way. Sure it’s in my bottom ten, but it’s the best game in my bottom ten. THQ was the worst publisher for NES so I wouldn’t be surprised if ends up ranking fairly high for one of their games. I could be ranking Mario games but instead I am going to random bad NES games that nobody has thought about in twenty-five years. All I have to say is you’re welcome, society. I came along just at the right time.

 

The grass looks like a piece of music

NES quality percentage: 10/18 or 55.56%

 

1.  Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

2. Super Mario Odyssey

3. The Legend of Zelda

4. Galaga

5. Donkey Kong

6. Exodus: Ultima III

7. Pac-Mania

8. Wrecking Crew

9. Super Pac-Man

10. Pac-Man

11. Viva Pinata

12. Dragon View

13. Excitebike

14. Drakkhen

15. Todd’s Adventures in Slime World

16. Arc the Lad

17. Clu Clu Land

18. Tails’ Adventures

19. Scrapyard Dog (Lynx)

20. Artifact Adventure Gaiden DX

21. Mickey’s Racing Adventure

22. Metro-Cross

23. Double Dragon

24. Panic Restaurant

25. Felix the Cat

26. Ice Climber

27. Gaplus

28. Dragon Spirit

29. Pinball (NES)

30. Ninja Golf

31. Super Soccer

32. Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour (GBC)

33. Red Sea Crossing

34. Baraduke

35. Demon’s Crest

36. Evoland

37. Tennis

38. Renegade

39. Beethoven

40. Hogan’s Alley

41. Gamma-Attack

42. The Legend of “Valkyrie”

43. Galaxian

44. Dragon Crystal

45. Cosmic Commuter

46. Hot Pixel

47. PocketBike Racer

48. Wild Gunman

49. Defunct

50. Gyruss (2600)

51. Looney Tunes Racing

52. Squidlit

53. Gordo 106

54. Baseball

55. Home Alone

56. Birthday Mania

57. Bad Street Brawler

58. Burly Men at Sea

59. WeakWood Throne

60. X-Men (HyperScan)

61. My Name is Mayo

62. Marvel Heroes

63. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends

64. Ben 10