Developer: EIM
Publisher: Taito
Release Date: October 1992
(Yep, that's panic alright)
The actual game behind Panic Restaurant will always be overshadowed by its extreme value. Its price has skyrocketed in the last fifteen years to an astronomical level. It’s one of those odd NES games that was worth ten dollars in the mid-aughts and now is worth hundreds. It was never listed as particularity rare back in the day, but now it always shows up on lists of the rarest games. The other Taito games released around the same time have always been extremely scarce, so I don’t know if it’s a case of rarity by association or if the collectability of it slipped through the cracks for many years because it was surrounded by more glamorous collector’s items. I do know that it is now a ridiculously expensive game that I have never seen a copy of in person. I also know that is is a side-scroller developed by Kenji Eno who would later make the game D and help popularize the survival horror genre. And although Panic Restaurant is funny instead of scary I can see some of the foundations of survival horror in it. The game has plenty of deadly traps and cruel surprises.
Panic Restaurant is a textbook 90s NES platform game. It’s deceptively difficult, has great visuals, and isn’t very long. In it you play as a chef who has to win back his restaurant by fighting a whole lot of killer food. I enjoy how the levels are set up like a menu with appetizer through desert. I like the levels well enough, but there are some cheap hits and difficult jumps scattered throughout. There are some dangers that you won’t be able to see until it’s almost too late leading to some fast action. There are continues, but you lose all your extra hearts when you run out of lives so there is incentive to stay alive. It can become very difficult with the two initial hearts. Luckily there are zany utensil-related powerups all over the levels to help you out. The giant pogo-fork is probably the most interesting one, but I was never very good at using it. Still I got to type that sentence so it’s all good. It also feels like every extra life is a trap. They are either in a spot that is either close to something deadly or almost impossible to get to like that infamous pizza in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. With all this difficulty in place I can forgive the game for being so short. There are only six levels, and if you are playing on an emulator with save states which is likely given its rarity it will only take about thirty minutes. It feels like the perfect rental game. It’s one that you could certainly finish over a weekend of practice. That might be one of the reasons why the ultra-rare Taito games have been suspected to be rental-only releases. It’s probably not true, but it’s a fun theory.
In a way this feels like a game whose presentation makes it seem better than it actually is. It was obviously trying to emulate the look of Super Mario Bros. 3 with its bright colors and bottom panel. The enemies are all food related making for some funny encounters. It has a good lead character with a fun weapon and plenty of power-ups for variety. Still it falls a little short of being a great game and is merely a good one. There are too many cheap hits and blind jumps, and in contrast to the hard levels the bosses were mostly too easy. They all had easy and predictable patterns. They sure were interesting though. It’s fun just seeing a giant, evil Jiffy-Pop even if the fight itself leaves something to be desired.
Of course I don’t base my rankings on a game’s rarity, so I don’t want to comment too much on the pros and cons of buying it. If you want to spend five hundred dollars on it I understand. I probably would too if I didn’t have kids to think about, so no judgement here. Just keep in mind that you are only getting a good platform game and not really a lost classic. Of course I could play games like this all day every day so it’s not really a critique, but It’s not going particularly high in the green zone either. I am slotting it in right between Ice Climber and Double Dragon. It’s another winner on the NES, but the real winner would be someone who bought it at some dusty old game store twenty years ago before prices started to skyrocket. They could probably make a profit of more than five hundred dollars.
NES quality percentage 9/15 or 60%
1. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
2. Super Mario Odyssey
3. The Legend of Zelda
4. Galaga
5. Donkey Kong
6. Exodus: Ultima III
7. Pac-Mania
8. Wrecking Crew
9. Super Pac-Man
10. Pac-Man
11. Viva Pinata
12. Dragon View
13. Excitebike
14. Drakkhen
15. Arc the Lad
16. Clu Clu Land
17. Tails’ Adventures
18. Artifact Adventure Gaiden DX
19. Mickey’s Racing Adventure
20. Metro-Cross
21. Double Dragon
22. Panic Restaurant
23. Ice Climber
24. Gaplus
25. Dragon Spirit
26. Pinball (NES)
27. Ninja Golf
28. Super Soccer
29. Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour (GBC)
30. Red Sea Crossing
31. Baraduke
32. Demon’s Crest
33. Evoland
34. Tennis
35. Renegade
36. Hogan’s Alley
37. Gamma-Attack
38. The Legend of “Valkyrie”
39. Galaxian
40. Dragon Crystal
41. Cosmic Commuter
42. Hot Pixel
43. PocketBike Racer
44. Wild Gunman
45. Defunct
46. Gyruss (2600)
47. Looney Tunes Racing
48. Squidlit
49. Baseball
50. Birthday Mania
51. Bad Street Brawler
52. Burly Men at Sea
53. WeakWood Throne
54. X-Men (HyperScan)
55. My Name is Mayo
56. Marvel Heroes
57. Ben 10
(screenshots are from mobygames.com)
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