Developer Semi-Logic
Publisher: Mattel
Release Date: 2006
At least the box is decent
The Mattel Hyperscan is an infamous console. If you read my blog you know that I like to be positive and try to find the good in games. I will say without hesitation however that the Hyperscan is not particularly good. Too harsh? Okay so I am underselling the low quality of the console. It only takes about ten seconds to realize that Mattel had thought of the money first and the quality of the games dead last. Their idea was to make games with collectable cards that enhanced the gameplay upon being scanned. They were obviously thinking about Pokemon when they designed it. Pokemon exists as both an insanely popular video game franchise and a playing card game. Mattel thought combining the two would be a surefire way to make a lot of money. Unfortunately they didn’t think about what it takes to make a successful video game console. The forgot that while the console was aimed at kids it was the parents who were going to be buying it. They could see right away that the whole thing felt like a scan. The cards weren’t just there to enhance the gameplay. They were, in fact, required to play the games. If your kid lost a card or needed one they didn’t have you’d have to buy more random booster packs to find the right one. You could potentially spend over 200 dollars to complete a set just to play a complete game. Meanwhile you could buy a Wii for almost that same price and have endless family fun playing Wii Sports which was a complete package free with the console. Their biggest blunder, however, was not the crass marketing strategy behind it. They somehow thought the console would sell itself and they didn’t need to make good games for it. How does one sell a console with terrible games that cost hundreds of dollars to get the full experience? At it turns out not well at all. The Hyperscan only had five games and was quickly forgotten. Luckily I am always here for the forgotten console and finally got to play Ben 10. Let me say upfront it’s not particularly good.
Hey you know what you should do here? That thing that makes us more money.
Playing Ben 10 is one of the least pleasant gaming experiences I have ever had. It’s one of the blandest, worst controlling platform games I have ever played made exponentially worse by the constant interruptions. I hate a game that doesn’t trust the player, but Ben 10 seems like it barely believes its players have brains. Practically every obstacle is prefaced with a dialogue box reminding you that it is an obstacle. I think even the youngest of gamers know to push a button to jump or that it’s bad to fall in holes. When there is an enemy on the screen I doubt anyone would think that they were supposed to stand still and wait for death. Ben 10 seems to think otherwise. It’s not a very complicated game. You go to the right, pick up items, and fight things. What’s worse is that the levels I played through don’t have checkpoints so any time I died I got to go back to the beginning of the level and hear all the instructions again. They can be skipped, but there is still a pause which slows down what’s already a painfully slow game. Why can’t you just let me turn into wild aliens and battle giant robots? That’s what I want in my Ben 10 game.
Scanned and ready to avoid meteors
Oh and get ready to die because the controls are awful as well. It’s one of those games where you feel like you’re on the Moon. It’s constantly floaty and unresponsive. Every jump feels like a leap of faith. I died dozens of times just trying to get past the first pit. All I have to do is grab a branch directly above the pit but it’s so easy to fall in. Transforming into one of the aliens only makes matters worse because they move much faster than human Ben making jumps even harder to time. Then of course every minute or so a character will pop up and remind you to scan a card. With as much scanning as you’ll need to do it’s best to play with the console in your lap. I don’t think that causes cancer, but it probably will cause your game to freeze not that you would really notice.
That brings me to my final complaint about this thing. Having to constantly scan cards is not a very pleasant experience. Ben 10 has 80 cards in total. What do you do with a set of 80 thick cards? Because of the chips in them they are much thicker than your average playing card. It’s like having a giant stack of Kraft Singles to keep up with. I don’t often get to compare games to a whole lotta cheese so at least that’s something. The cards serve all different functions in the games so you really do have to have them ready. You can’t even save without a card. Does constantly fumbling through dozens of cards and then bending over to scan them sound like very much fun? They don’t even look all that good so they don’t work as collectibles either. At least with Amiibos and Skylanders you get cool figurines that double as toys.
Don't lose this card! I have no idea why they are shaped funny.
So I played the game until I got to a giant wall that I couldn’t find a way to get past. It was one last insult in a game that already makes the player feel like a moron. To get past it I am pretty sure I need a card that I just don’t have. They actually expected the players to get stuck after ten minute of playing and actually want to go out and buy more cards. It’s hard to believe that anyone didn’t think this thing was a ripoff. Imagine having to run back to Walmart to buy a pack of cards in the slight hope that one will let you progress through the game. Then if you get the cards and don’t find the one you need you are still out of luck. That’s $10 down the drain. That’s more than my weekly allowance as a kid. I’d much rather save up for a month or so and buy a discounted Playstation 2 game. Of course so did everyone else on the planet because HyperScan was a monumental failure. So sorry Ben 10, you are not fun, you have lousy controls, and you are undoubtedly a ripoff. Welcome to the bottom of the list. I have no doubt that your HyperScan bretheren will be joining you soon.
1. Super Mario Odyssey
2. Galaga
3. Donkey Kong
4. Exodus: Ultima III
5. Pac-Mania
6. Wrecking Crew
7. Super Pac-Man
8. Pac-Man
9. Excitebike
10. Arc the Lad
11. Clu Clu Land
12. Artifact Adventure Gaiden DX
13. Mickey’s Racing Adventure
14. Metro-Cross
15. Ice Climber
16. Gaplus
17. Dragon Spirit
18. Pinball (NES)
19. Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour (GBC)
20. Red Sea Crossing
21. Baraduke
22. Tennis
23. Hogan’s Alley
24. Gamma-Attack
25. The Legend of “Valkyrie”
26. Galaxian
27. Evoland
28. Cosmic Commuter
29. Hot Pixel
30. Wild Gunman
31. Defunct
32. Gyruss (2600)
33. Looney Tunes Racing
34. Squidlit
35. Baseball
36. Birthday Mania
37. Bad Street Brawler
38. Burly Men at Sea
39. My Name is Mayo
40. Ben 10
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