Intellivision #2: Astrosmash
Developer: Mattel
Publisher Mattel
Release date: 10-15-81
These days it’s hard to write about the original Intellivision without bringing up the doomed Amico. At this point people are still trying to figure out the true intentions behind the project. Was is simply a failed console that started in good faith or an investment scam from the get-go? Was this a case of inexperienced console developers getting in over their heads or was there something more nefarious going on behind the scenes? Hey, but they made all those videos showing off the games, the must’ve meant they were trying to make it, right? Well not necessarily, because the types of games they were showing off could’ve been thrown together very quickly without any true intention of release. One of the four deep dive games they showed off was a remake of Astrosmash, and they really hyped it up as a classic game that people are clamoring to play forty years later. It was something more unscrupulous Amico defenders used to defend the project. Everybody loves Astrosmash, right? Who wouldn’t want a remake in the 2020s? Of course, the answer to that question is almost every person on planet Earth. If you want to play Astrosmash you have almost unlimited options available. Get an Intellivision compilation on an already owned console or even an original Intellivision. It’s one of the cheaper classic consoles, and it is worth checking out. Of course, that’s all beside the point. The main problem with using Astrosmash to sell the Amico is that Astrosmash just isn’t that good of a game. It’s not even all that memorable. The only thing that makes it stand out is how much different it is than the rest of the Intellivision library, and as we know different doesn’t always mean better.
Astrosmash is a game that is as simple as they come. You are a ship stuck to the ground that can only move back and forth such as in Space Invaders. The object is to shoot things until you die. If you shoot objects in the sky you gain points and if they hit the ground you lose points. That really about sums it up. It’s strange for an Intellivision game to be so easy to summarize. They had some weird and complex games. It does have a bit of that Intellivision flair though. At certain scores the background color will change up until it turns gray and then repeat. This does give the game a sense of accomplishment. The screen can be filled with objects moving at different speeds which is impressive. The graphics are clear, and the sound affects are effective. If you want to play a brainless shooter this is certainly a choice. However, I feel that Astrosmash crosses the line from brainless to boring. This is not the exciting twitch shooter that can define a console.
The more I play Astrosmash the more surprised I get by how little strategy is needed. There are a few things that will chase you or shoot at you, but 98% of what you encounter will be indifferent rocks that do nothing but fall. Sometimes you will shoot them wrong, and they will split in two, but the two pieces will just fall at an angle. There are ships that will shoot at you, and I live for these ships. It’s the only time in the game that I feel alive. Who wants to shoot boring old rocks when there are alien invaders out there? There are also bombs which will cost you a life if they touch the ground, but even these don’t thrill me much. It’s so easy to rack up lives that losing a few doesn’t really matter. There is no strategy required to get high scores besides moving around a little and trying not to get hit by rocks. The games can also last a very long time without much changing. Objects get faster, but this isn’t enough to keep things interesting. I got tired of playing long before I lost all my lives when I was playing for this review. When I turned it off I had roughly 50,000 points and 22 lives. I am better at this game than I used to be, but boredom is never a good sign. At least someone thought to put rapid fire in the game so your thumbs won’t fall off trying to push those stiff buttons on the Intellivision controller.
It’s always great ending a review talking about how the game is so shallow that there’s nothing left to say. So let’s do it. This game is so shallow that there’s nothing left to say. Mattell really pushed this game back in the day. They even gave it away with consoles. It shipped almost 1,000,000 units which is almost a third of total Intellivision consoles sold. Of course, this doesn’t say much for the game itself. The obvious reason they promoted it so much is because it’s the Intellivision game that most resembles an Atari game. In fact, it resembles several Atari games without borrowing the best parts of any of them. I can understand trying to copy Atari in the early 80s, but Intellivision could, and later would, do better. Still, this isn’t a terrible game and I know it appeals to some people so it’s going to end up in the middle of the list at #72. It’s not quite in the good section, but it’s a textbook okay game. I’m not an expert in the Intellivison library, but I imagine that this will end up in the middle of that list as well. I’ve only ranked two so right now it’s on the bottom, but don’t worry Astrosmash fans, it won’t stay there.
Intellivision Quality Percentage: 1/2
Intellivision Rankings
1. Pinball
2. Astrosmash
screenshots are from mobygames.com
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