Developer: Dyna Corporation
Publisher: SNK
Release Date: 1999
I’m going to do something I haven’t done before on this blog and cover multiple games in one entry. The Pocket Color is probably best remembered for its high-quality fighting and unique RPG-styled games. It has a dark secret though. SNK very quickly started to fall apart after its release, and one of their many problems during this time was not being able to produce enough games. The desperate need to fill out their gaming library is one of the most logical reasons I can think of for a very sad quartet of games that all came out very close together in the American market. I think this type of game was even more popular in Japan as there are a few more of them exclusive to the region that I might cover later. I can’t take any more casino games right now though. Now, I have nothing against casino games in general. Some of them are quite fun. The problem with the NGPC games, however, is they are incredibly shallow. In 1978 Atari released Casino. It was a very early game on the system but still managed to have three different card games. None of the NPGP games which came out a full twenty years later have more than one. If all four of these games were on one cartridge than I could understand their existence. The fact that they were sold individually is nothing short of a rip-off. So, let’s take a look at these games in order from best to worst.
Neo 21
I am putting this one first on the list because at least blackjack has a little bit of strategy. It’s the only game of the bunch that you can’t win by just pressing a button over and over. It is also the only game of the bunch that didn’t come out on the same day. It does have a more advanced presentation than the others too. It has a fancier title screen and some digitized voice acting. Of course, it doesn’t help matters that the dealer sounds bored out of her mind as she deals the cards. The last thing this game needed was a laconic voice stating the obvious. Yes, I know that card with the three hearts on it is a three. She can’t even muster up any excitement when the player wins. I was slightly hopeful when I first turned on the game to find a name entry and save file. I thought maybe there would be some sim elements to it. As far as I could tell though it’s just so you can continue the card dealing fun at a later date. There wasn’t even a high score list, and the game doesn’t even end until you decide it ends. It’s at the top of the list because it does require a little bit of thought, but it is still a boring game that doesn’t add anything to a simple game of blackjack.
Neo Mystery Bonus
What a strange name for a game. It sounds like a game that would be found in an 80s cereal box. Sadly, this was not a bonus game but an actual retail item. It’s the first of two slot machine games to come out on the same day in 1999. Its entire gameplay consists of one zoomed in slot machine. How was something so shallow even allowed? Why weren’t people more offended by it? The gameplay consists of placing bets and stopping the reels. Since you can keep the bets in place after each turn there’s really no reason to do anything but push the button. I don’t know if you knew this, but slot machines are only fun if you are winning actual cash money. I had fun playing the slots at an actual casino. The game, however, has no payoff whatsoever. You just stop the reels and watch as your credits increase or decrease. You can’t do anything with them. They just go up sometimes and down sometimes. My goal with this game was to see what would happen if I ran out of credits. It actually took longer than I expected because winning isn’t that hard. So, what happens? You just get 100 credits again and start all over. Having a game over screen takes effort I suppose. So why is this the better of the two slot machines? In this one the reels stop instantly when you push the button. It at least gives the player some feeling of control. With a quick eye you might be able to stop them the way you want them. I also like the rainbow mystery squares. They look nice and sort of pique my interest. They are very small things, but at least they are something.
Neo Cherry Master
Can you believe SNK had the audacity to release two single screen slot machine games on the same day? Because they totally did and now I have the displeasure of comparing them. This one is even more brainless than the other one. It’s almost exactly the same except when you push the button the reels slow down before they stop. The illusion of control is gone in this one. It’s seriously just pushing a button and watching your fortunes increase or decrease with no meaning or purpose. Is there someone out there that this kind of game appeals to? It’s no different than an electronic slot machine toy that you would get at the checkout at the grocery store and play with in the bathroom in the pre-smartphone days. Except one of those would keep high scores and wouldn’t cost as much as a video game. I am honestly baffled by why either of these games exist.
Neo Dragon’s Wild
I have no idea why this game is called “Neo Dragon’s Wild.” There are no dragons to be seen. The deck of cards just has regular jokers. Am I missing something? I doubt it. They just probably couldn’t call it “Neo Joker’s Wild” so they went with dragons. This is the NGPC version of electronic poker, and it’s even more drab and brainless than the other games. All you get to see on the screen are your five cards, the payouts, and a few stats. At least the slot machine game had spinning reels to look at. How can you justify a game where the description of the payouts takes up two thirds of the screen? Since everything’s automatic in this game I’m not sure showing the payouts is even necessary. Of course, what would you fill up the rest of the screen with, a dragon? This game gets on my nerves because the computer automatically holds the cards it feels you should keep. The only strategy at all in video poker is picking out what cards to keep. Once again, this feature is helpful in Vegas where you only care about winning money, but not in a video game where you are playing to have fun. You can change the holds, but I only did this when I was determined to make the game have some sort of playability. It didn’t help. This is, without a doubt, the most boring game I have ever played. All I did was place my initial bet and then push the button. A deck of cards is fun to play with, but boring to look at. Just imagine sitting in a dark room with nothing but random playing cards flashing in front of your face. That’s what this game is. Am I starting to make up surreal scenarios again? Neo Dragon’s Wild does that to a person.
These four games are making me do something I just recently said I would never do. They are so bad that I am going to rank them below Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. I thought that would be my lowest-ranked non-Hyperscan game forever, yet just a few reviews later it gets usurped by not one, but four games. At least Robots used all the buttons and required me to actually look at the screen. Other than Neo 21 these games could be played without looking. You could fall over dead onto your Neo Geo Pocket Color and still potentially play these games. You don’t even need a pulse, and that’s a bad sign. So, this quartet of games puts the Neo Geo Pocket Color in a deep hole, but there are good games for it. I think it might still make it over to the plus side by the end. Also, a bit of housekeeping. I have no idea how Marvel Heroes snuck up a couple places on the list. I’m putting it back down to the next-to-last position where it belongs. That means that there are at least six games on this planet worse than Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. Sorry humanity, it looks the bad video game situation was worse than I thought.
Neo Geo Pocket Color quality percentage: 1/6 or 16.66%
(images from mobygames.com)
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