Neo Geo Pocket Color #3-6: The Casino Games

Developer: Dyna Corporation

Publisher: SNK

Release Date: 1999

 

I’m going to do something I haven’t done before on this blog and cover multiple games in one entry. The Pocket Color is probably best remembered for its high-quality fighting and unique RPG-styled games. It has a dark secret though. SNK very quickly started to fall apart after its release, and one of their many problems during this time was not being able to produce enough games. The desperate need to fill out their gaming library is one of the most logical reasons I can think of for a very sad quartet of games that all came out very close together in the American market. I think this type of game was even more popular in Japan as there are a few more of them exclusive to the region that I might cover later. I can’t take any more casino games right now though. Now, I have nothing against casino games in general. Some of them are quite fun. The problem with the NGPC games, however, is they are incredibly shallow. In 1978 Atari released Casino. It was a very early game on the system but still managed to have three different card games. None of the NPGP games which came out a full twenty years later have more than one. If all four of these games were on one cartridge than I could understand their existence. The fact that they were sold individually is nothing short of a rip-off. So, let’s take a look at these games in order from best to worst.

 

Neo 21

 

I am putting this one first on the list because at least blackjack has a little bit of strategy. It’s the only game of the bunch that you can’t win by just pressing a button over and over. It is also the only game of the bunch that didn’t come out on the same day. It does have a more advanced presentation than the others too. It has a fancier title screen and some digitized voice acting. Of course, it doesn’t help matters that the dealer sounds bored out of her mind as she deals the cards. The last thing this game needed was a laconic voice stating the obvious. Yes, I know that card with the three hearts on it is a three. She can’t even muster up any excitement when the player wins. I was slightly hopeful when I first turned on the game to find a name entry and save file. I thought maybe there would be some sim elements to it. As far as I could tell though it’s just so you can continue the card dealing fun at a later date. There wasn’t even a high score list, and the game doesn’t even end until you decide it ends. It’s at the top of the list because it does require a little bit of thought, but it is still a boring game that doesn’t add anything to a simple game of blackjack.

 

Neo Mystery Bonus

 What a strange name for a game. It sounds like a game that would be found in an 80s cereal box. Sadly, this was not a bonus game but an actual retail item. It’s the first of two slot machine games to come out on the same day in 1999. Its entire gameplay consists of one zoomed in slot machine. How was something so shallow even allowed? Why weren’t people more offended by it? The gameplay consists of placing bets and stopping the reels. Since you can keep the bets in place after each turn there’s really no reason to do anything but push the button. I don’t know if you knew this, but slot machines are only fun if you are winning actual cash money. I had fun playing the slots at an actual casino. The game, however, has no payoff whatsoever. You just stop the reels and watch as your credits increase or decrease. You can’t do anything with them. They just go up sometimes and down sometimes. My goal with this game was to see what would happen if I ran out of credits. It actually took longer than I expected because winning isn’t that hard. So, what happens? You just get 100 credits again and start all over. Having a game over screen takes effort I suppose. So why is this the better of the two slot machines? In this one the reels stop instantly when you push the button. It at least gives the player some feeling of control. With a quick eye you might be able to stop them the way you want them. I also like the rainbow mystery squares. They look nice and sort of pique my interest. They are very small things, but at least they are something.

 

Neo Cherry Master

 

Can you believe SNK had the audacity to release two single screen slot machine games on the same day? Because they totally did and now I have the displeasure of comparing them. This one is even more brainless than the other one. It’s almost exactly the same except when you push the button the reels slow down before they stop. The illusion of control is gone in this one. It’s seriously just pushing a button and watching your fortunes increase or decrease with no meaning or purpose. Is there someone out there that this kind of game appeals to? It’s no different than an electronic slot machine toy that you would get at the checkout at the grocery store and play with in the bathroom in the pre-smartphone days. Except one of those would keep high scores and wouldn’t cost as much as a video game. I am honestly baffled by why either of these games exist.

 

Neo Dragon’s Wild

 I have no idea why this game is called “Neo Dragon’s Wild.” There are no dragons to be seen. The deck of cards just has regular jokers. Am I missing something? I doubt it. They just probably couldn’t call it “Neo Joker’s Wild” so they went with dragons. This is the NGPC version of electronic poker, and it’s even more drab and brainless than the other games. All you get to see on the screen are your five cards, the payouts, and a few stats. At least the slot machine game had spinning reels to look at. How can you justify a game where the description of the payouts takes up two thirds of the screen? Since everything’s automatic in this game I’m not sure showing the payouts is even necessary. Of course, what would you fill up the rest of the screen with, a dragon? This game gets on my nerves because the computer automatically holds the cards it feels you should keep. The only strategy at all in video poker is picking out what cards to keep. Once again, this feature is helpful in Vegas where you only care about winning money, but not in a video game where you are playing to have fun. You can change the holds, but I only did this when I was determined to make the game have some sort of playability. It didn’t help. This is, without a doubt, the most boring game I have ever played. All I did was place my initial bet and then push the button. A deck of cards is fun to play with, but boring to look at. Just imagine sitting in a dark room with nothing but random playing cards flashing in front of your face. That’s what this game is. Am I starting to make up surreal scenarios again? Neo Dragon’s Wild does that to a person.

 

These four games are making me do something I just recently said I would never do. They are so bad that I am going to rank them below Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. I thought that would be my lowest-ranked non-Hyperscan game forever, yet just a few reviews later it gets usurped by not one, but four games. At least Robots used all the buttons and required me to actually look at the screen. Other than Neo 21 these games could be played without looking. You could fall over dead onto your Neo Geo Pocket Color and still potentially play these games. You don’t even need a pulse, and that’s a bad sign. So, this quartet of games puts the Neo Geo Pocket Color in a deep hole, but there are good games for it. I think it might still make it over to the plus side by the end. Also, a bit of housekeeping. I have no idea how Marvel Heroes snuck up a couple places on the list. I’m putting it back down to the next-to-last position where it belongs. That means that there are at least six games on this planet worse than Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. Sorry humanity, it looks the bad video game situation was worse than I thought.

 

Neo Geo Pocket Color quality percentage: 1/6 or 16.66%

(images from mobygames.com)

Neo Geo Pocket Color #2: Pac-Man

Developer: Namco

Publisher: SNK

Release Date: 7-31-99

 As a chronicler of every game ever I guess it’s finally time to cover another version of a game I’ve already ranked. I think the way I am going to do this is keep it fairly brief and not specifically rank it. I will judge its overall quality and add it to the console’s overall tally. I will go ahead and rank it if it is significantly different than the original. If you really want me to rank every version of Pac-Man on the master list let me know. I wouldn’t mind getting a few comments on here. I think I’ve had two total.

 

This version of Pac-Man plays exactly like it’s supposed to. I got it along with my Pocket Color twenty years ago, and I always thought it was one of the better handheld versions. It was nice to have a full-color handheld version that played smoothly, although I don’t know how it compares to the Game Gear version in that regard. I liked that you could switch between a closeup view and full map view. Other than that, it’s a decidedly no-frills adaptation. It’s the one iconic map with the traditional gameplay that’s just for getting high scores. Of course, I enjoyed it, even if by 1999 having only Pac-Man on a standalone cart was starting to seem a little flimsy. Also, I wish you could save high scores. We didn’t have phones to take pictures of scores back then. Still, who can complain about a high-quality game of Pac-Man? I’m going to put this in the good column for Neo Geo Pocket Color which evens the score.

 

Neo Geo Pocket Color Quality Percentage: 1/1 or 50%

NGPC Rankings:

1. Pac-Man

2. Crush Roller

Neo Geo Pocket Color #1: Crush Roller

Developer: ADK

Publisher: SNK

Release Date: 4-30-99

 Crush Roller seems like an odd choice for SNK’s doomed handheld. Of course, they didn’t know that the Pocket Color was only going to last about a year, so they weren’t really out to maximize game quality. Almost a third of the game library is casino games after all. Still, when you line up all the thirty or so games you don’t really expect to see an enhanced remake of a twenty-year-old Pac-Man clone that had never seen a proper US console release before. It didn’t even have any name recognition because in America the game had been known as Make Trax. Still, arcade games often worked well on handhelds thanks to their quick gameplay. It’s just weird that for their first foray into classic arcade adaptations they went with such an obscure one. Oh well, in a couple of months they would release the original Pac-Man and everything would make sense again.

 The game itself is a mixed bag that almost works but falls a little short. It’s a single screen maze game where you play as a paint roller trying to fill up the screen with paint. Yeah, that’s just a reverse Pac-Man. The original game only had one map, but the NGPC version fixes this by having many maps to discover. You can pick a path after you beat a level making it a maze within a maze. I’m not exactly sure how many playthroughs it would take to see every level, but I’m sure you’d be right sick of the game by then. There are also animal friends to collect along the way. In the original game there were animals that would pop out and ruin part of the painted path. In this version you can catch them. You can go back to the menu screen and look at them, but they otherwise don’t add anything to the gameplay. All you get is a picture and a very brief description. So that’s the game. You paint trails and avoid enemies until you get a high score, beat level 6-1 and see the somewhat disappointing game over screen, or reach your destination and have to turn your game off.

 

If it all sounds a bit repetitive that’s because it definitely is. I think the main problem is that they can’t decide what kind of game it is. Is it supposed to be a high score game or a more contemporary play-to-the-end type of game? I’d say for once the unlimited continues hurts the game. It erases the high score aspect because every time you continue your score starts over, and it takes out all the challenge of playing through all the levels. The enemies move randomly and get faster and faster, so in the later stages it becomes more about luck than strategy. You just keep continuing until you play a round where the enemies leave you alone. Also, despite the branching paths I couldn’t find any evidence of a true ending. It just seems to be the same sad game over screen every time. Maybe there’s something extra if I collect all the animals and complete every level, but I don’t really feel like finding out.

 So, our first foray into the interesting world of the Neo Geo Pocket Color is a bit of a disappointment. I love old arcade games, so I really wanted to like this one. Unfortunately, there’s a big difference between playing an arcade game for a few minutes at a time and playing a console game for an hour. It just ends up being too shallow. They could’ve added extra wrinkles like new enemies and power-ups, but instead every level plays the same with only a slightly different map. It’s pleasant enough to keep it out of the red section, but it’s a perfect example of a purple “okay” game. I actually enjoyed Evoland better at #60 so it’s going to be my new #61. In recent years Crush Roller has become one of the most expensive games on the NGPC, so just remember that if you are paying 100 dollars for this game it’s more for collecting than for playing. 

Neo Geo Pocket Color Quality Percentage: 0/1

images are from mobygames.com

NES #25: Puss in Boots: Pero's Great Adventure

Developer: Shouei System

Publisher: Electro Brain

Release Date: June 1990

 This game reminds me of my old gaming adage: If a game has the word great in the title it is probably bad. Luckily Puss in Boots beats the trend by being not completely worthless. It’s just not one that particularly stands out. It’s most notable for staring the mascot of Toei animation, the makers of Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z. It has no other connection to Toei besides the character though, so it’s a very minor footnote in the company’s history. This is a game that was always around, but I never bothered to play it. It came out just in time for my first summer vacation, but I wasn’t quite renting games yet. I played it as an adult after hearing that it was easy. Luckily, it is more challenging than people give it credit for. There is some challenge to be found.

(Well, it's not exactly the whole world, but at least he goes to Space Wars.)

 Puss in Boots reminds me of an Alex Kidd game in that almost every level plays differently. In some you are on foot, in some you are underwater, in some you are in a plane etc. It also has Alex Kidd’s love of weird enemies. The first level has blobs and killer horseshoes while the flying levels have lightning bolts despite the sky being sunny. Many of the more humanoid enemies attack in odd machines. It does add some much-needed flavor to the game. It is much needed because despite the game being a world tour of sorts the levels are not all that interesting. Half of the levels are either underwater or in the sky making for nothing but blue backgrounds. Other levels take place in buildings which could be anywhere. The around the world theme really isn’t utilized very well.

(I hate doors you can't go into)

 The most intriguing aspect of the game is its difficulty. It’s a game that’s both very easy and very hard. Most of the levels are short making it a quick play through. We’re talking fifteen minutes from start to finish. This makes it sound like a cakewalk, but in true NES fashion it’s not quite as it seems. The game only has three continues so failure is an option. While the first half of the game is pretty easy it gets hard near the end. The last level almost has Castlevania difficulty. It’s a confusing maze with plenty of traps and hazards. Right before the final boss there is a difficult mini-boss and a hallway of fire. It all culminates with one of the harder boss fights on the console. It’s one nobody talks about, but I had more trouble with Count Gruemon than I did with almost any boss from a more famously difficult game. So, it’s one of those games that is short, but takes a few tries to beat. I still don’t know how I beat that boss. It just happened one time.

(Despite the potential, most of the levels look more like this)

 So here we have yet another NES game for the okay section. It plays alright but it just doesn’t stand out in a field of vastly superior platformers. It’s my third NES game in a row to miss the good column, but of course I’m picking out what games to review so I guess that’s on me. I am learning that ranking every game regardless of console makes for some weirdness. Right at the bottom of the green section I have some obscure but decent Atari 2600 games. I already decided Puss in Boots was only okay when I played it, so it can’t go above them. Of course, I definitely see myself playing Entombed and Red Sea Crossing in the future, but the quality is about the same and I doubt many people would rank them that way. So, we have a new top purple game. Puss in Boots edges out Baraduke to become the new most okay game in history. Congratulations!

 

NES Quality Percentage: 13/25 or 52% 

(images are from mobygames.com)

NES #24: Cliffhanger

Developer: Spidersoft Software

Publisher: Sony Imagesoft

Release Date: November 1993

(This game is a good opportunity to practice your bad Stallone impression)

 Cliffhanger, based the cheesy Sylvester Stallone action movie, is a game that doesn’t make a very good first impression. I know I thought it was lame when my cousin rented it way back in the day. It looks ugly for one thing, especially for such a late release. It came out just in time for the NES’s next-to-last Christmas. By then they should’ve known how to push the limits and make a great looking game. Kirby’s Adventure came out just a few months earlier, and it’s a visual masterpiece. Also, there is a bit of a learning curve. I spent more time on the first level than I did on the whole rest of the game, and it really requires reading the instructions. Also, it’s almost universally panned. The old All Game Guide gave it one star. That puts it right down with the worst games of all time. However, I have to say it really grew on me. I wouldn’t call it a particularly good game, but it was one I still had some fun with.

(I wish I could go in the cabin and watch tv)

 I think what I enjoyed most was the kooky level design. It’s called Cliffhanger, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that the game was full of death-defying jumps. Early in the game you collect a pair of boots that allows you to run, and this makes for some wild jumping. There were many times where I thought I couldn’t make a jump only to find out that I just barely could. There was something surprisingly exhilarating about it. Of course, it would’ve been better if you didn’t have to press up and the direction to run and having to find the boots is an unnecessary step, but it almost gave me Prince of Persia vibes at time. The levels usually had an upper and lower path, so jumping from above was relatively safe. It may be ugly, but the level design wasn’t terrible. There were also a couple other parts that really amused me. One of them is where you punch a henchman onto a spiked cliff and ride his dead body like a sled. It’s one of my favorite weird NES moments. The other part is having the whole plot of the movie condensed into text with some still photos. It made it seem like Cliffhanger the Little Golden Book. Also, now I don’t have to watch the movie which is another plus. As I said, it’s a bit kooky.

 Of course, I don’t want to oversell it. The mere fact that it was fun at all was a complete surprise, but there are plenty of flaws. The combat is especially awkward. Stallone’s punch doesn’t do very much damage and is somewhat difficult to use. Sometimes I would fight a henchman and he would go down in a couple of punches and sometimes he would drain half my health while I helplessly punched away. There are weapons to collect, but they are very limited and hard to use. I died multiple times trying to get a knife which I thought would be a permanent upgrade like the boots only to find out that it was a single-use item that wasn’t even very good. Most of the weapons move too slow to be much help. It’s best to just avoid enemies. That’s never a good sign. There are also times where damage is unavoidable. Stallone has to climb up some cliffs with falling rocks. The rocks are completely random and almost impossible to avoid. I just ignored them since they didn’t slow my progress and appeared before a cutscene where I would get my health restored. With improved combat and more refinement this could’ve been a hidden gem. I guess they figured it was an NES game in 1993. Who really cared anymore?

(There's that scary jump I was talking about)

 After I learned how to play the game ended up being fairly easy. It’s one of those short, easy games which was good for a rental, but not really necessary for ownership. I’d love to know who got this game for Christmas in 1993. Of course, we got Rocky and Bullwinkle that year so there were worse gifts out there. I did enjoy this game somewhat, but objectively I can tell that it’s not that good. Still, I am going to put it in the purple section instead of the red, and it’s ending up in the middle of my NES rankings instead of near the bottom. It’s a good result for such a maligned game. It comes in at #58 splitting a couple of mediocre RPGs. I’m probably the only person on planet Earth who would rank it above Evoland, but that game just didn’t do much for me. Perhaps it needed more dead body sleds. Then again, what game doesn’t?

 

NES Quality Percentage: 13/24 or 54.16%

(Images are from mobygames.com)

NES 

1. Zelda II 

2. The Legend of Zelda 

3. Super Mario Bros. 2 

4. Wrecking Crew 

5. Excitebike 

6. Clu Clu Land 

7. Balloon Fight 

8. Double Dragon 

9. Panic Restaurant 

10. Felix the Cat 

11. Donkey Kong 3 

12. Ice Climber 

13. Pinball 

14. Cliffhanger 

15. Tennis 

16. Renegade 

17. Hogan’s Alley 

18. Wild Gunman 

19. Mario’s Time Machine 

20. Baseball 

21. Home Alone 

22. Bad Street Brawler 

23. Wayne’s World 

24. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends