NES #26: Bible Buffet

Developer: Wisdom Tree

Publisher: Wisdom Tree

Release Date: 1993

Have you ever used the phrase "cooler than a hot dog wearing sunglasses?" Because I am going to try to make that a thing

 

Wacky isn’t a word that comes up much when talking about religious games, but dang this game is wacky. I’m not religious, so I have no idea what a typical Christian would think about a game like this. It’s a game that’s 1% bible and 99% buffet that celebrates good ol’ gluttony. Christians like gluttony, right? Do they like blowing up walking french fries? I know that’s a silly question. Everybody enjoys blowing up walking french fries. Okay so the circumstances behind this game shed a bit of light on why such a weird game ended up with a religious theme. Wisdom Tree started out as the infamous Color Dreams, a company that got around Nintendo’s lockout chip and produced about a dozen mostly awful unlicensed games. Nintendo forced Color Dreams out of regular stores by threatening to remove their own games if retailers carried Color Dreams games. In order to stay in business, the secular Color Dreams became the religious-based Wisdom tree so they could sell their games at Christian retailers where Nintendo didn’t have a presence. Because of this many of their games only have an insular connection to religion. You can tell that some of them were designed before the switch and were only converted to a religious theme at the last minute. Nowhere is that more apparent than Bible Buffet, a game that’s both fever dream and Bible lesson.

 Bible Buffet plays just like a warped version of Candy Land. Thank of it like that game except every space you land on involves a battle with dangerous walking candy and you’ll get the idea. You spin the wheel and move that number of spaces just like in a traditional board game. Each section of the board is named after a specific type of food. They get the healthy foods out of the way early leaving room for all the junk food in the world. Right after Salad Land comes Fast Food Land and it all culminates with Dessert Land. Also, your points are pounds in this game, so the more empty calories you eat the better. On most spaces you are sent to an action stage, and this is where things get weird. The gameplay isn’t that odd. It’s sort of a Bomberman-meets-Crystal Mines setup which is fun enough. It’s the imagery that makes everything strange. Almost everything is food. The walls are mashed potatoes! The enemies are walking tomatoes! You eat corn dogs and kill evil cups of coffee! Got a food you really don’t like? Well, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to blast it to smithereens in this game. If, like most people, you have fantasized about destroying walking broccoli while also eating 100 pickles in a row than this is the game for you.  

 So where does the Bible play into all of this? Every once in a while, you will land on a red space that will send you to a Bible pop quiz. Strangely, where other Wisdom Tree games had the questions displayed on the screen, Bible Buffet only displays the true/false and a/b choices without written answers. The questions were all in the book that came with a game. This means that if you are playing this game today, you’re probably just guessing, and since it’s a 50/50 choice you’re probably getting many of them right. There’s not really any penalty for getting them wrong either, just less points. So, this is a rare religious game that can be enjoyed by non-Christians without anyone being offended. It’s both a kooky food-based board game and, if you have the questions, a Bible quiz game. So, I guess everybody wins?

 So, I’m just going to say it. Bible Buffet is fun. It’s a wacky game that I have played through more than once and enjoyed every time. Some people will automatically say that because it is unlicensed and religious that it is automatically bad. Most of the reviews are decidedly negative. However, I can’t deny the fun I had playing it, and that’s still the most important metric. Of course, the game is not flawless. It’s fairly shallow and easy. If you’re playing by yourself, it will only take about twenty minutes to play through. Also, even though up to four players can play at once, the gameplay seems much more suited for a one-player experience. It just doesn’t work that great as a board game, and it’s obviously a clone of Candy Land. Still, it’s going to end up in the good column. In fact, it’s going right at the bottom of the good column at #60. Still, that’s pretty good for such an overlooked game. I am sure I am the only person on the universe who would rank Bible Buffet ahead of Demon’s Crest, but I stand by that decision. At least Bible Buffet doesn’t send you around in circles playing the same three levels over and over again. It’s definitely a game with a very clear start and end point. They’re even labeled for your convenience.

 

NES Quality Percentage: 14/26 or 53.85%

(images are from mobygames.com)