Atari 7800 #1: Ninja Golf

Developer: BlueSky Software

Publisher: Atari

Release Date: 1990

What a cover! I love that even 500 years from now it will still say new.

Ninja Golf is one of those games whose reputation has grown as it has gotten more expensive. A decade ago when this game was only about twenty dollars nobody seemed to care about it much. Now that it’s up around eighty for a loose copy suddenly it’s one of the lost classics of the 8-bit era. I am going to end those rumors right now by saying it’s certainly no masterpiece. But it is a game with a lot of character and good ideas that shows how Atari could’ve stayed successful in the NES era. Right at the end of the 7800s lifespan they started to release interesting games that play almost more like parodies of popular games. They had a weird sense of humor which carried over into the Lynx and even Jaguar era. In a way they had more attitude than Sega without even realizing it. Sadly they didn’t know how to capitalize on their underrated later systems and ended up going out of business. Once again Atari after 1983 is always a little sad no matter what the game is. So just what is Ninja Golf anyway?

That's almost as good as the intro screen to Bad Dudes

Ninja Golf is an early example of two genres getting blended together in an unexpected way. It is a golf game and a side scrolling brawler at the same time. Hey in video games anything is possible. You start out as a ninja standing in front of a tee ready hit the ball. The golfing portion is simple and fun where all you have to do is aim your shot and push the button when you reach the proper distance. After you hit the ball it’s time to do some fighting. Of course in Ninja Golf there are no golf carts but instead dangerous paths filled with enemies such as ninjas, giant gophers, and killer frogs. When you get to the green you don’t putt but instead throw ninja stars at a fire breathing dragon. If you are somehow able to make your way through all nine hole you win. It’s not easy though so even on easy I haven’t made it past the fifth hole. 

As promised, a ninja playing golf

It sounds pretty great, so what’s the problem then? It looses points on being repetitive and difficult to control. If you have ever played a game with an Atari 7800 joystick you know that it is difficult to use, and even under the best of circumstances brawlers didn’t work well with only two buttons. The normal enemies die with only one hit, so the way the difficulty is expanded is by putting loads of enemies on the screen at once. This leads to some painful button mashing that I had trouble with even playing the modern release on my Evercade. It also doesn’t help that every type of environments stay the same over the nine holes. It gets repetitive quickly going over the same fairways with the same ninjas and gophers. Also when you get to your ball everything suddenly disappears so if there is a powerup too close to your destination than you won’t be able to collect it. At first it seems like the different paths you can take are going to make a difference, but honestly it doesn’t really matter that much. Your strokes only matter if you are going to compare them with a friend, and I never had a hole that took more than three strokes. In fact without the golf portion this game would be pretty bland.

In this game you have to "gopher" the green. Get it?

Still I am going to put it in the good column because the overall kookiness makes it worth playing. The flaws in the gameplay don’t get in the way of the fact that you are a ninja playing golf and kicking sharks in the face. I am going to slot in into the #20 slot right above Super Soccer. It’s not the lost classic the people claim it is, but it’s still one worth checking out. I can’t say I recommend paying eighty dollars for an original copy unless you are a collector, but if you can find a way to play it than it’s a game you will never forget.

1. Super Mario Odyssey

2. Galaga

3. Donkey Kong

4. Exodus: Ultima III

5. Pac-Mania

6. Wrecking Crew

7. Super Pac-Man

8. Pac-Man

9. Excitebike

10. Drakkhen

11. Arc the Lad

12. Clu Clu Land

13. Artifact Adventure Gaiden DX

14. Mickey’s Racing Adventure

15. Metro-Cross

16. Ice Climber

17. Gaplus

18. Dragon Spirit

19. Pinball (NES)

20. Ninja Golf

21. Super Soccer

22. Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour (GBC)

23. Red Sea Crossing

24. Baraduke

25. Tennis

26. Hogan’s Alley

27. Gamma-Attack

28. The Legend of “Valkyrie”

29. Galaxian

30. Evoland

31. Cosmic Commuter

32. Hot Pixel

33. Wild Gunman

34. Defunct

35. Gyruss (2600)

36. Looney Tunes Racing

37. Squidlit

38. Baseball

39. Birthday Mania

40. Bad Street Brawler

41. Burly Men at Sea

42. X-Men (HyperScan)

43. My Name is Mayo

44. Marvel Heroes

45. Ben 10

Super Nintendo #2: Drakkhen

Developer: Infogrames

Publisher: Kemco/Seika

Release Date: September 1991

I have no idea why it took me until 2019 to play this game. I would've loved this box art I the 90s

The Super Nintendo was an unexpected bastion for PC games. Just about every major CRPG franchise had at least one entry on it, and of course they translated better than they had during the NES era. It’s a bit surprising for a system that never had a keyboard and hardly had any aspirations of pretending to be a computer. Sure it had a mouse, but it was mainly used for Mario Paint. Before Ultima and Eye of the Beholder made it to SNES, however, there was the weird and wonderful Drakkhen. Not only was it one of the first PC games to show up on the Super Nintendo, but it was also the first RPG released on the system just a couple of months after its debut. Modern reviewers mostly don’t care for it, but I think it’s an utterly unique experience that’s well worth checking out. 

Watch out for sharks! No seriously, this moat has a shark in it.

The first thing that stands out in this game is the wonderful visual style. It looks good even now. You are treated to quickly rendering 3D backgrounds with an evocative day to night cycle and an interesting variety of environments. I appreciate that the sun slowly rises and sets. It doesn’t just suddenly become night. How many games from 1991 feature twilight? It also has very little lag for a mostly 3D game. It is a deliberately paced game, but I never felt like the environment slowed me down. It’s fun to wander through the world watching the time of day change while piecing together what to do.

I love 16-bit twilight!

The game also has great personality. I have never played a game where I am a human but practically every NPC is a big scary dragon. There are big dragons everywhere and most of them are pretty goofy. Instead of dungeons you explore castles filled with dragon creatures that either want to kill you or have you help make dinner. Their dialogue is usually something like “dinner is not ready yet Drakkhen.” This game loves its own name and is all the better because of it. When you fight monsters in the overworld they come sliding in from the left side like Kramer and then when defeated they explode like Michael Richards’ career after the Laugh Factory incident. It made me smile every time. They just seemed so excited to be there. After playing so many games that take place in depressing hellscapes it’s nice to see a game where the characters seem happy to be there even if they are trying to kill me.

I think most of the criticisms of this game are unfounded and based on laziness more than flaws in the design. In the modern era it’s a bit scary to not know what to do in a game. Drakkhen starts rather cryptically. Its world is a giant rectangle with no villages or quest logs. The only information comes from castles and random buildings scattered around the landscape. Luckily almost every building has useful information. It’s more efficient than other early open world RPGs where half the houses will just be people telling you to get out. Thankfully it does have a world map which makes things easier. The combat is also a bit odd, but I think it works in the context of the game. It is more like an RTS game where you set up the characters but they do the fighting themselves. You can give them specific instructions in battle, but they will do their own sword swinging and spell casting. It looks like they are just casually wandering around during battle, but they fight properly and it saves your fingers while grinding. You can stand still and have enemies attack your party while going to the kitchen for a snack. Well as long as it’s daytime and none of the giant constellation monsters come down and attack you. It never lets you get too comfortable. It also has a somewhat complicated control setup, but unlike so many games from the 16-bit era it actually has a guide within the game. That’s how I knew to tap L and R to get out of the water. So many reviewers drown once and give up on this game. There are some things that aren’t explained in the game, however, so you will probably need to look up instructions online. I had a much easier time when I read that I could escape from battles also by tapping L and R. You will definitely need to run away sometimes.

This is as far as most reviewers get before they decide they hate this game. They shouldn't give up so easily.

I honestly had a lot of fun with this one. Its cryptic nature meant that there wasn’t much grinding required because I always felt like I was actually going somewhere and its difficulty progressed at a reasonable rate. I rarely got frustrated and just wish it had been a bit longer. Sure equipment sometimes randomly disappears, but everything respawns in castles so you can always go collect some more. I doubt many people would rank it so high but I think it’s good enough to be number ten. It’s not quite as much fun as the great arcade games I have on my list, but it’s the second best RPG I have covered so far. Another nice thing is that it’s common and inexpensive so you can probably find one for under 10 dollars at your local game store. At the very least you should play it just to check out the kooky battles. If you’ve ever wanted to visit a spa run by a half-dragon than this is the game for you.

Super Nintendo quality percentage: 2/2 or 100%

1. Super Mario Odyssey

2. Galaga

3. Donkey Kong

4. Exodus: Ultima III

5. Pac-Mania

6. Wrecking Crew

7. Super Pac-Man

8. Pac-Man

9. Excitebike

10. Drakkhen

11. Arc the Lad

12. Clu Clu Land

13. Artifact Adventure Gaiden DX

14. Mickey’s Racing Adventure

15. Metro-Cross

16. Ice Climber

17. Gaplus

18. Dragon Spirit

19. Pinball (NES)

20. Super Soccer

21. Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour (GBC)

22. Red Sea Crossing

23. Baraduke

24. Tennis

25. Hogan’s Alley

26. Gamma-Attack

27. The Legend of “Valkyrie”

28. Galaxian

29. Evoland

30. Cosmic Commuter

31. Hot Pixel

32. Wild Gunman

33. Defunct

34. Gyruss (2600)

35. Looney Tunes Racing

36. Squidlit

37. Baseball

38. Birthday Mania

39. Bad Street Brawler

40. Burly Men at Sea

41. X-Men (HyperScan)

42. My Name is Mayo

43. Marvel Heroes

44. Ben 10