NES #54: Back to the Future

 

Developer: Beam Software

Publisher: LJN

Release Date: September 1989

(Is "enteractive" supposed to be spelled like that. Is that a weird portmanteau?)

I can talk about Back to the Future, because I am that metaphorical kid that always comes up in licensed game reviews. I loved Back to the Future and wanted to experience everything the franchise had to offer. I was extremely excited about the video game, and I knew I was going to love it. It was my main gift on some long-ago birthday, and I spent many an hour playing it despite its poor reputation. I was that gullible target audience LJN was aiming for. Although there is an odd wrinkle to the story. I loved the franchise as a whole, but when I first played the game, I had never actually seen the first movie. I had seen the second and third installments, and maybe even the cartoon series, but never the original. I was actually going to use the game as a substitute for seeing it. Imagine my surprise when I finally saw the movie and didn't see any of the memorable enemies from the game. I expected Marty to spend some time in the movie avoiding bees and throwing bowling balls at glass movers. The movie is disappointingly devoid of bowling balls compared to the video game. The movie doesn't even have random bowling pins on the street for Marty to knock over. I'm sorry, but I think the movie would've been vastly improved with more street bowling. That's the way I felt back then anyway. Sure, the game is clunky and odd, but it was what I had. I'm probably the only person in the world who was disappointed that the movie wasn't enough like the video game. Of course, I am over forty now and can look at things a bit more objectively. Just what kind of video game is Back to the Future?

Back to the Future is a game that likes to keep the player moving. I would almost classify it as a vertically scrolling shooter. The screen is constantly moving up as you try to avoid trouble and collect and endless supply of clocks. The clocks are important as they keep Marty's picture from fading out. If his picture fades out completely, he dies. Or more accurately he fades out of existence. And also, if the regular timer runs out, he dies. How strange is it that this game has two concurrent time limits? I suppose it does fit in with the movie's theme. The enemies are mostly Hill Valley residents, but some of them do actually fight back so it's not all just passive. Marty can occasionally pick up a bowling ball which serves as his weapon, and once again I wish this is something that would've been emphasized in the movie. I love the thought of him leveling bullies with endless supplies of bowling balls. And if a few hula hoop girls get taken out in the process that's just collateral damage. 

Every four levels the gameplay changes to odd arcade-style mini games that are based on scenes from the movie. These levels are this game's version of boss fights, and they can be quite jarring. There's nothing on screen that tells you exactly what to do, and if you don't figure it out quickly you will lose. The first of these levels is by far the hardest, and I can see it turning off confused gamers. It features Marty fighting off waves of bullies in Lou's Cafe until he is thrown out. It's strange because you can get thrown out but have enough points to move on. The others include blocking Loraine's hearts and catching musical notes at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance. 

On paper Back to the Future seems like a decent game. Unfortunately, it has a lack of refinement that is so common in LJN games. I'll give you the most egregious example. The main way Marty can get through the levels is by collecting a bowling ball and then later a skateboard. The skateboard increases Marty's speed significantly, and in the later levels it's almost necessary. The items show up after a certain amount of time has passed, but you have to have the bowling ball before you can get the skateboard. However, the items pop up in completely random places. It's not uncommon to find a skateboard right up against a fence or giant sidewalk crack where it is impossible to get. This makes Back to the Future a game of dumb luck more than anything else. Also, make sure you don't accidentally shoot your skateboard with a bowling ball, because this is also something that can happen. It is possible to get through the levels without the items, but you have to be absolutely perfect. Also, while most boss fights just toss you back a level if you lose, the final stage only gives you one chance. If you don't get the Delorean up to 88 miles per hour it's game over. If you don't like unfair game design or trolly deaths than maybe Back to the Future isn't for you. 

Back to the Future is a game I really want to like, but it is ruined by bad design and confusing gameplay. If the mini game levels made more sense and skateboards were more reliable it might just sqeak by. Instead, it's one of the many games on the NES that people point to when talking about corporate greed. It's remembered more as a symbol than as a game. This reputation isn't entirely earned, but it's not hard to see why it might be a disappointment for excited kids in the early 90s. So Back to the Future falls down into the red section, and the NES adds yet another bad game. I wanted to find 101 good ones to prove IGN wrong, but that's never going to happen if I keep profiling the worst publishers. I'll probably skip around some just so I don't do 20 LGN games in a row and drive myself crazy, but at least I know I have a ton of great games to play in the future. Back to the Future is #42 out of the 54 NES games I have ranked and #144 overall. That's only a few games into the red, so it could be worse. Just wait until I play all the other Back to the Future games. This one might actually be the overall best. How's that for a thought?

NES quality percentage: 25/54 or 46.29%

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1G01RKJ7-caaal5lgFfGgPfZRGcqWlv4E3E2E615UYKg/edit?usp=sharing

NES #53: Jaws

 

Developer: Escape

Publisher: LJN

Release Date: December 1987

Jaws is one of the most important movies of all time. It solidified Stephen Spielberg's reputation as his generation's most popular filmmaker and practically invented the concept of the summer blockbuster. It's a character-based, claustrophobic movie that somehow spawned hundreds of generic explosion-fests. I am tempted to spend this review writing more about the movie than the game, but I have to be careful. Jaws the video game came out in 1987 instead of 1975 which means that it was meant as a tie-in for the abysmal sequel Jaws: The Revenge and not the original movie. Of course, LJN just called the game Jaws, so even they knew the more recent film was a stinker. There's not much plot in this early NES game, but it does have the later film's ending. I don't know if I've ever seen Jaws: The Revenge, but I doubt the rest of the movie resembles the game very much. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. An NES game doesn't have to exactly follow its source material. Jaws: The Revenge has a famously dumb plot anyway, so it was smart to strip it down. Unfortunately, they might have stripped it down a little too much.

I love a game with an overworld, so it was a bit exciting booting up Jaws and seeing all those islands to explore. Unfortunately, while the game does have an overworld, it doesn't really have a world. There are only two points of interest on the whole map. These are two anchor points that sell the items needed to take down the killer shark. The currency in Jaws is conch shells collected by shooting innocent sea life during random cutaway battles. It's very odd that almost the entire game is comprised of shooting mostly harmless stingrays, jellyfish, and snails. Did that happen in the movie? Did the characters have such an axe to grind that they wanted to take out all sea life? Were they weirdly obsessed with shells? Is that why they needed a bigger boat? Did they need room for more shells? Sorry, I started to reference the better original movie again. Either way it's an odd premise for a game.  

All this shell collecting really drags during the slow building first half. It's not a game with many choices. You don't get to pick out your own items and build your own shark killing strategy. The first item is always a completely useless shark finder. It's supposed to help you find Jaws, but since the map is tiny and he's always showing off that famous dorsal fin it is completely unnecessary. I hope you like annoying beeps. The other purchases are power upgrades that make killing Jaws easier. You can't buy two in a row at the same stop, so this drags things out even more. Somehow, I don't want to make more trips to the only place to go on the map. That's not a good sign. Jaws can appear randomly in a cutaway battle, and I do appreciate that you don't have to get every upgrade to be able to move on to the final battle. I think I would completely lose my patience with Jaws if I had to buy everything. 

The final confrontation with Jaws is one of those NES moments where if you don't know what to do it is impossibly confusing, and if you know what to do is ridiculously easy. It's the old "stab him with the boat" ending. Just line him up with the ship, use the strobe to make him jump out of the water, and then push B to make a Jaws-kabob. Sadly, he doesn't explode in this version. I will bump up a game a couple of points if it has an exploding shark. It does show his carcass sinking down into the water so that it at least something. 

Once the game gets going it does get a bit more fun. The cutaway levels get faster and somewhat more challenging, and the shells start dropping faster. I was worried that later upgrades would take longer to obtain, but this wasn't really the case. It doesn't save the overall experience, however. It took me four attempts to beat Jaws for this review, and I was certainly grinding my teeth during the first three. I hate only having two places to go, and the battles are boring. The only harm comes from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I lost most of my lives from getting stung by a jellyfish while picking up a shell. I am sure this a more realistic death than dying in a shark battle, but it doesn't make for a very exciting game. Even Jaws doesn't put up much of a fight. He just passively swims back and forth while getting shot over and over. You'd think getting shot in the tailfin twenty-five times would get some reaction out him, but he just keeps on swimming. It's a bad sign when the game's boss doesn't even what to be there. And hey guess what, if you die at any point you get to buy that shark finder again. What fun!

Jaws is certainly one of the weakest games of the NES's 1987 lineup, but that's not to say it's a total disaster. My fourth and final attempt was entertaining enough to bump it up into the purple section. It's a little too short and easy to make that much of a negative impression, but it's long enough to not feel like a ripoff. The cutaway battles do get better, and sometimes the deaths were more from challenge than just bad luck. It's just too tiny and simple to be considered a good game. It certainly has the tossed-off feel of a cheap cash in. If you played this back in the day, it was almost certainly because of the name on the box, and I can't imagine too many Jaws fans being too enthusiastic about it. Still, I'm sure most people would rather play the game than watch Jaws: The Revenge. It comes in at 128 on the overall list, and 36 on the NES list. It's not great, but if they close the beaches and you have nothing else to do it might still help you get through the day. 

NES Quality Percentage: 25/53 or 47.16

NES #52: The Karate Kid

 

Developer: Atlus

Publisher: LJN

Release Date: December 1987

(This cover art certainly gets bonus points for having the most Pat Morita of any game so far. Did you know he's only in 26 episodes of Happy Days? That's half as many as Ted McGinley)

My THQ profile went so well last year that I figured I would go all out and look at some LJN games. I've always wondered why LJN has such a terrible reputation compared to THQ considering their games barely even work and look like they were drawn by little kids. LJN games at least look professional. I think it's partially because LJN came along so early in the console's run. There weren't very many games by the end of 1987, and these early LJN games were everywhere. If you were there at the time, you probably saw some of these games at video stores for years even if you never played them. I certainly never played The Karate Kid when I was a child. I never saw the movie, so it's not a game I would've played because I was a fan. I certainly saw it around though. December 1987 was before we had a Nintendo and just a little bit after I was potty trained, so to me it's a game that has practically always existed. No wonder LJN games have such a large cultural impact despite not actually being that interesting. People my age grew up with that rainbow logo. Also, much like how THQ utilized a very young Bethesda, The Karate Kid was made by Atlus. Their name is on quite a few of my all-time favorite games including the Etrian Odyssey and Persona series. It's another case of a future great getting their feet wet on a licensed NES game. 

(Despite what they tell you online, head shots were in fact legal in the movie)

As we go through LJN we will see some instances where the developers made some strange games. The Karate Kid, however, plays it safe. The game starts with a karate tournament, but after this brief section it turns into a mostly standard martials arts side scroller. If you've ever played Kung Fu or Black Belt than you probably know what to expect. The levels are dotted with bonus games that earn you special movies. I always accidentally use my special moves the second I leave the bonus rooms, but I'm not going to fault the game for that. I can't complain too much about the controls. It's an up-to-jump game, but most martial arts games from the era are, and I certainly didn't have any trouble controlling Daniel-San. It's also a very nice-looking game for such an early release. 1987 was still dominated by chunky neon sprites. The Karate Kid has much more realistic character designs and a muted color palate that makes it look like it actually takes place in our world. This is something I would expect from a game a few years newer. If you're looking for a nostalgic game that doesn't come up as often this might be a decent choice, especially since it's still fairly cheap. Of course, it does have some major flaws.

(Most of the game looks like this. I appreciate the map.)

Recently I saw The Karate Kid on a list of the top ten most difficult NES games. I have a feeling that the person who made the list didn't actually play it. It's the kind of inexplicable pick that can only come from one source: The Angry Video Game Nerd. The Karate Kid was one of his earliest videos, and sure he struggled with it. But it was a scripted video and not an authentic playthrough. You guys know he exaggerates the difficulty of games for comedic effect, right? He really dwells on those bonus levels which are purely optional and don't cost any health. My major complaint with The Karate Kid is just the opposite. It's too easy and too short. I had a bit of trouble finishing it now that I am an old man, but when I was young I beat The Karate Kid the same day I first played it. There are no continues, but the whole thing only takes about twelve minutes, and there are plenty of health drops. I believe the only enemies that require more than one hit are the bosses, and they're just like the regular enemies except stronger. Many of my deaths were of the cheap variety. Sometimes I'll get stuck on the scenery and can't fight back and one unlucky time I respawned above a hole and experienced instant death. If all goes well this really is one of the shortest platformers on the whole console. I can see why someone might feel ripped off by The Karate Kid. Imagine getting this as a full-priced game in the late 80s. Games were closer to $100 in today's money, and there weren't that many to choose from. You would certainly want a game that lasted. It's too repetitive to be one you'll want to play over and over, so it really is just a one-and-done. I can definitely see 1987 kids taking this game back to the store and getting The Legend of Zelda instead. That was even before rental stores were that common. Difficulty on NES is a balancing act, and unfortunately The Karate Kid swings too much in the easy direction. 

(Here's that funny thing. It's not so interesting out of context)

Not surprisingly, The Karate Kid is right in the middle of my listings. On the NES-specific list it is 27/52. I can't believe I've ranked 52 NES games without hardly writing about any that people actually care about. When all 700+ games are ranked The Karate Kid will likely be a bit farther down than the middle, but it's not a complete disaster. This was a game made for rentals and cheap thrift stores. A lot of people who got into collecting around the time I did likely bought it as one of their earliest used games. Even now it's only about $12, which is about as cheap as it gets for non-sports titles. It's not a great game, or hardly even a good one, but it certainly has its place in the world of NES. 

NES Quality Percentage: 25/52 or 48.07%

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1G01RKJ7-caaal5lgFfGgPfZRGcqWlv4E3E2E615UYKg/edit?usp=sharing

Neo Geo Pocket Color #7: Samurai Shodown 2

 

Developer: Saurus

Publisher: SNK

Release Date: 1999

SNK had a very noble goal when releasing the Neo Geo Pocket Color. They wanted to actually make good handheld fighting games. In the late 90s that seemed like an impossible task. Ever since Street Fighter II became a game changing hit, fighting games became a staple on just about every console. Even venerable consoles like the NES and Master System had some interesting fighting games near the end of their lives. Game Boy and Game Gear had plenty of fighting games as well, but they were almost always universally panned. They must've sold alright because there really are a lot of them, but it was difficult taking something so famously 16-bit and shrinking it down on a much less powerful system. Thankfully, SNK was here to save the day. They were very confident in their abilities too, because fighting games take up almost a sixth of the console's scant US library. It's what SNK was most known for, so of course they were going to flood the market. So, was it a success? The handheld's quick death would imply that it was not, but the Pocket Color's death had nothing to do with the quality of the games. This is a very complicated was of saying that Samurai Shodown 2 is a quality game.

I am not very familiar with the Samurai Shodown series, so I can't judge it by the series as a whole, but the handheld version is certainly well-executed. In a way it's the opposite of Double Dragon V. Samurai Shodown 2 has a much more varied roster of fighters who feel unique. There are fifteen characters to choose from, and with each one having two different fighting styles it's more like having thirty fighters. That may be a slight exaggeration, but fifteen was still an impressive roster at the time. It's funny that Samurai Shodown is mostly humans and Double Dragon V is cartoonish monsters, but Double Dragon V is still the one that feels more generic. It doesn't matter how wacky your characters look if all they're going to do is spam weak punches. 

Samurai Shodown 2 remembered to focus on the combat, and it works surprisingly well with only two buttons. I am certainly a more casual fighting game fan, so I don't know how a Sushi-X type might feel about it, but I would have a hard time faulting a game for being easy to execute. I could pick any player and grow comfortable with their moveset fairly quickly. Special moves were fairly easy to figure out on my own, and some are gained on cards earned throughout the game. Characters have a boost gauge that fills over the course of the battle, and this can be used for devastating special moves. The moves are not automatic, so there is still some skill needed for them to land properly. I enjoy that there are no cheap moves. The game manages to be fairly challenging as well. It's not a punch spamming game in the slightest.  I always felt that I could improve with practice, so nothing ever seemed hopeless. It's easy to play and offers a decent challenge. That's a recipe for success.

I always thought I would get back to Neo Geo Pocket Color sooner. I reviewed that big chunk of terrible casino games all at once, and never did get around to reviewing any of the more significant games. The only good review I have given out so far is for Pac-Man, and that is a game I'm sure you're all getting tired of reading about. Well, the redemption starts today. Samurai Shodown 2 is now game #71 on the list. It's easily in the good section, and it won't be the last good fighting game I play for the NGPC. I'm only ten games away from having a full hundred good ones, and if I focus, I'm sure the Pocket Color will help me get there. Of course I've never focused before, but you never know. Maybe 2025 will be my year. 

Neo Geo Pocket Color Quality Percentage: 2/7 or 28.57%

Atari Jaguar #11: Double Dragon V: The Shadow Falls

 

Developer: Telegames

Publisher: Williams

Release Date: April 5, 1995

Having a blog based on my own whims can get me into trouble sometimes. For example, I probably shouldn't have written about Fight for Life already. In the hierarchy of Atari Jaguar fighting games, it's the Plan 9 From Outer Space. It's a game made to be written about and studied. I got Jaguar's worst and funniest fighting game out of the way first so I could spend the rest of my time talking about the boring leftovers. How am I going to get an interesting article out of Double Dragon V? The only thing that's interesting about it is the franchise it's connected to. Double Dragon was a powerhouse in the NES era, but by 1995 it had fallen onto hard times. It feels like Double Dragon should've been riding high. There was both a cartoon series and live action movie based on the franchise around the same time, but Double Dragon V would be the end of the road for the main series. I wish there was a terrible 3D Double Dragon game on PlayStation because I'm sure that would be fun to talk about, but alas, it mostly ends here. Of course, after playing it I can see why.

Double Dragon V tries something that almost never works. It switches genres from the previous titles. Fighting games were all the rage in the mid-90s, and the Double Dragon team probably felt like they helped create the genre, but all the previous games had been side-scrolling beat-em-ups. It's a type of game they were quite good at making. By 1994 the gaming world was awash with mediocre fighting games, and I don't think anyone wanted to see their beloved franchises turn into one. This wasn't a spin-off after all, it was the next main game in the series. Of course, all would be forgiven if they made a high-quality game, but unfortunately it has the same shallowness of previous Double Dragon games with none of the charm. 

The first thing I noticed booting up the game was that I didn't recognize any of the characters besides protagonists Billy and Jimmy Lee. Apparently, most of the other characters are from the cartoon show, which I never saw despite being obsessed with both video games and cartoons at the time. I mean, I saw the Mutant League show, and that one was obscure and terrible. However, I can tell that they didn't bring over all the characters from the cartoon because the women characters are oddly sexualized. I don't have a problem with games including a playable dominatrix on general principal, but it does show that the developers weren't quite sure what they wanted to do with this game. It's a mature game based on a children's show that it hardly even references. They really just wanted to turn into Mortal Kombat without the conviction to actually do so.

This attitude crosses over to the gameplay. It doesn't have the martial arts focus of the earlier games or the over-the-top violence and special moves of Mortal Kombat. I honestly couldn't figure out how to do any of the special moves. I think they require the keypad which only adds to the confusion. Luckily, the opponents don't know the special moves very well either. So, this one becomes an oddly slow-paced button masher. It moves quickly enough, but none of the attacks seem to do much damage. Most of the matches I played ended with the timer running out, which is never good in a fighting game. I did wonder if I could take advantage of this. I tried spamming a couple of hits and then avoiding damage for the rest of the match, but that didn't work. So at least this is a game you actually have to pay attention to. I will say that much. It just doesn't end up making much of an impact. I don't want my Double Dragon game to be a skeleton dude mashing out punches until time runs out. It just doesn't work, and since this is a game nobody's ever heard of despite being released for SNES and Genesis, I suppose the world agrees with me. 

My Jaguar journey has now gotten into a slow, boring grind. I have reviewed many of its most infamous games and have to get through the garden variety bad ones. I'm afraid that if I want to keep my sanity, I might have to do something that I have been avoiding. I might have to actually start reviewing some good Jaguar games. I know that's not what anyone wants, but it's going to happen eventually. Unless you want me to review White Men Can't Jump first. That's definitely the funniest game I have left. Of course that's a discussion for another day. Double Dragon V is in the red section, but it's the new benchmark for bad Jaguar games. It's the highest ranked one at #7 and #153 overall. It splits the two racing games being worse than Atari Karts and better than Checkered Flag. I can't say I have all that much confidence in Jaguar's racing and fighting games. Too bad they didn't make more pinball games. Apparently, they are the only ones I like.

Atari Jaguar Quality Percentage: 2/11 or 18.18%

Atari Jaguar #10: Missile Command 3D

 

Developer: Virtuality Entertainment

Publisher: Atari

Release Date: December 12, 1995

Atari has always loved nostalgia, so it's surprising how little of an impact their classic games had on the Jaguar. There is one notable exception that I will get to eventually, but most of their attempts at updating classic games came out at the tail end of the console's life with practically no one noticing. Maybe it was just too soon. Atari would find success in the late 90s with a wave of nostalgic updates, but maybe during the Jaguar era that demographic was just too young. Or maybe the Jaguar was just cursed and nothing would've ever worked. That's a distinct possibility as well. Missile Command 3D is one of three Jaguar games directly based on a popular Atari 2600 game, and it was certainly a game that still had legs in the 90s. I know I had the Game Boy version of the original, and I used to play it all the time. It was one of my favorite old arcade games, and I would've loved an updated version. So how could Missile Command 3D Fail? It's not like every Jaguar game is a sad mess that shows just how lost Atari was. They're not all failures in the same predictable ways. That's only true for 95% of them. Maybe Missile Command 3D will be the exception.

Missile Command 3D is not the exception. It's not as much of a disaster as we've come to expect from the Jaguar, but the errors become apparent very quickly. It's the same story as so many other Jaguar games. It looks great, but the developers just didn't know how to turn it into a good game. Missile Command is a game that is meant to fit all on one screen. The whole fun of it is that you can see the missiles coming and watch them blow up with satisfying chain reactions. You can discover this too if you have a copy of Missile Command 3D. They very wisely include a version of the original game. It's fun on Jaguar, and if the enhanced version was just the original game with better graphics and tighter controls it might be a minor winner. Unfortunately, they had to go and get cute with it. 

The developers decided to make everything bigger in the main 3D mode, which sounds like a good idea but does nothing except slow the gameplay down. Now the levels scroll, and there is a large amount of space between the cities and top of the screen. This would be alright if the game was still fast and exciting. I think they overcompensated a bit to make up for the bigger space. Everything is slowed down to a ridiculous degree, especially in the earlier levels. Those enemy missiles inch along giving you plenty of time to aim, and your missiles take a couple of seconds to reach their targets. For an arcade game this is just too slow. Things do get hectic a few levels in, but it still feels sluggish. There are just more slow things happening at once. It's not painful to play, but it certainly doesn't come anywhere close to the classic original game. 

Because this was the mid 90s, the other included game is inexplicably called virtual mode. I have no idea what is supposed to be virtual about it other than the first-person perspective, but it's a little bit better than the 3D mode. It moves the action underwater with a variety of different enemies and weapons to choose from. This mode is closer to the Missile Command expansion I was looking for. It's an update of the original formula that includes more modern touches like power-ups and boss fights. It even has multiple environments including outer space. I couldn't progress that far thanks to a couple of difficult bosses, but it's certainly a step in the right direction.

Sadly, Missile Command 3D did not keep my attention for very long. Even virtual mode played like a slowed-down version of the original arcade game, and that's only going to be interesting for so long. I'm just not sure Missile Command is a game that can be adapted well. It's such a specific game that needs specific mechanics to function. The developers here tried out making the screen slightly bigger and it messed everything up. I'm sure I have other Missile Command sequels to play that will hopefully change my mind, but Missile Command 3D sure makes me feel like some games are best left in the past.

Of course this is a Jaguar game, so while it might rank lower on a different console, Missile Command 3D is in the middle of my Jaguar rankings. It's in the "bad but not shameful" section right above Atari Karts. I guess I'd rather play an iffy arcade update than a poorly made kart racer. Someday this list will include a good Jaguar game that isn't pinball, but that day will have to wait. I have now reviewed 20% of the Jaguar cartridge games, so at this rate there should be 10 good ones. I sure hope that isn't an overestimate. There must've been something Atari did right. 

Atari Jaguar Quality Percentage: 2/10 or 20%

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1G01RKJ7-caaal5lgFfGgPfZRGcqWlv4E3E2E615UYKg/edit?usp=sharing

Atari 2600 #25: Stargunner

 

Developer: Telesys

Publisher: Telesys

Release: 1983

Stargunner has everything I have come to expect from a Telesys game minus one important thing. It doesn't have a funny name. Didn't they get the memo? Telesys games are supposed to have silly puns in their titles. The box art isn't funny either. It just looks like a Stargunner. I don't know what order the games were released in, but I know that at the very least Demolition Herby has a later serial number. Perhaps with Stargunner they were just taking a break from funny titles and not abandoning them altogether. At least it gave me something to talk about in the first paragraph. I already mentioned that Stargunner gave me everything I expected. What I meant by that is they simplified a much more famous arcade game so that it could run quicker on the 2600. 

In this case their inspiration in the classic Defender. I loved the Atari 2600 version of Defender when I was a kid, and it has such sentimental value to me that I have no idea if it's good or not. I think it gets a mixed response, but it's also not a game that was done so bad that people needed a replacement. Telesys didn't add something missing like they did with Demolition Herby. They just took a very famous game and used it as the inspiration for their much less famous game. It's not purely plagiarism, but it doesn't take very long to see where they got the idea for their game. 

Stargunner is a much more stripped-down experience than Defender. While Defender featured an entire city complete with a map, Stargunner only has one screen. The rolling hills at the bottom of the screen give the illusion of size, but if you fly to the edge of the screen, you just pop up back on the other side. The targets on the screen are also more passive. They don't shoot at you and can only attack by colliding. There is a ship at the top of the screen that shoots down at you, so there's plenty of action to deal with. The objects on the screen are a bit abstract so I'm not sure how to describe them. Maybe an onigiri and an enzyme? Well, whatever they are they must be eliminated. So, you shoot one target, it turns into another target, and you keep doing that until you die. It's simple, but it plays well. It has a certain addictiveness to it. 

My main problem with Stargunner is the poorly balanced difficulty. On the default easy setting the game can get almost boring. The targets move slow, and the shots coming from above are easy to avoid. Of course, this is the starter difficulty, so it's supposed to be easy. What of the other difficulties? Things get too intense too fast. Even the second option is much too hard. The ships suddenly zip across the screen, and their one goal is to collide with you. I could barely get a shot off without having some kamikaze aliens blow me up. I could easily get 30,000 or more points on the easiest setting, and on any higher difficulty I could barely break 1,000. I just wish there was a difficulty between the two extremes where the ships were more of a threat but not constantly suicidal. It's a shame because if it was well-balanced, it might be a true hidden gem. 

When I'm comparing every game ever made, 2600 games have to really be good to break into the green section. Stargunner doesn't rise up to that standard, but it's still alright. It's sad that of the three highest ranked Telesys games, two of them were adaptions of already existing arcade games. I feel like Telesys was a company that wanted to have big ideas and memorable games, but they fell short. It could've been that they ran into the crash just about the moment they started and just had to do whatever they could to survive. I'll probably never know for sure, but they weren't phoning it in either. Stargunner comes in at #115 which is almost halfway up the list. I'm already up to 184, which means I'm getting close to 200. I should play something special for my 200th, but that's a story for another day. 

Atari 2600 quality percentage: 9/25 or 36%

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1G01RKJ7-caaal5lgFfGgPfZRGcqWlv4E3E2E615UYKg/edit?usp=sharing