NES #42: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

 NES #42: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

 

Developer: Imagineering

Publisher: THQ

Release Date: October 1992

When I am playing a bad game, which seems to be my normal state of existence these days, I often ask myself if it is Ed Wood bad or Coleman Francis bad. Their terrible movies are two sides of the same unfortunate coin. Coleman Frances’ trilogy of movies gave the viewer a glimpse into his dark vision. They are poorly lit movies full of barely speaking characters constantly looking sad. No joy permeates their beings, and since they were mostly shot silently and dubbed in later, they are often not even facing the camera. His movies make me feel sad and empty. That’s how I feel playing a soulless game like Wayne Gretzky Hockey. On the other side of the coin, we have Ed Wood. His movies are equally inept if not more so, but they are also lively and funny. He takes us to bizarre worlds filled with puzzling eccentrics played by actual puzzling eccentrics. I live for this type of bad game, as does just about anyone reviewing old games. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York certainly leans into Ed Wood territory. Although the ineptitude makes me a little bit sad, there’s enough downright strangeness to make it entertaining. This is a weird one.

 

The original Home Alone on NES is a terrible game in its own right, but I will give it some credit. At least Bethesda only used the part of the movie that works in a game. A game based on eluding burglars in your house makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is spending so much time wandering around in a hotel. A hotel is not automatically a terrible setting for a video game, but I don’t remember Kevin doing much in the actual hotel besides ordering too much room service and annoying Rob Schneider. The developers compensated for this lack of action by making every person and inanimate object act like they have been taken over by evil spirits. There are evil moving suitcases. There are deadly floating brooms. Little old ladies will stomp on your head. Every maid in every open door is waiting to ambush you with killer pillows. It is worked into the plot of the game that everyone is searching for Kevin, but it’s still jarring to see. The movie only has two actual villains, so if you want a more traditional game with challenging levels than you have to pull some enemies out of thin air. The first game wisely avoided awkward levels from the first hour of the movie. They didn’t tack on a grocery store level with Kevin fighting evil cashiers while avoiding floating shopping carts. It’s ironic because the developers of Home Alone 2 wanted to make a more traditionally structured game with normal levels and enemies. Instead everything just feels wrong. The end of the level is the strangest part of all. The boss is an angry chef who you have to slide into until he loses all his clothes. Then he runs away leaving behind his hat which you have to jump on until it turns into a pizza. Collect the pizza and you win. You know, just like in the movie.

 

In addition to being strange, the first level is confusing as well. I had to spend way too much time pushing elevator buttons while dodging luggage. There’s no clear indication of what makes the elevator go where it is supposed to, so I kept ending up in the same place. Even if you know what you are doing the first level can take almost half of a playthrough. The rest of the game is faster paced and at least slightly more sensible. I really wish they would’ve kept it weird, because it quickly becomes repetitive. It’s like they went over budget on the first level and had to rush out the rest. Central Park becomes a generic tree-lined street and The Uncle’s Townhouse level is a barren building with the same features over and over. The giant Christmas tree at the end looks fairly nice, but once again the gameplay is a bit awkward. Home Alone 2 either looks decent and plays poorly or looks lousy and plays decently.  

Okay so I’m trying to wrap this review up and tie it back to whatever I was talking about at the beginning, but I still keep wanting to talk about that first level. Did I mention the one couch that bounces you way up into the air when none of the other ones do? There is also a desk clerk who throws generic objects at you until a key falls down. You know what happens if you touch the key? It just hurts you like everything else. It’s just a piece of debris in the midst of a bunch of random blobs. If you stand at the starting point for more than a couple of seconds a bellhop wrings your neck like Homer Simpson. The pillows the maids throw at you have weird red patterns that look like blood. Killer pillows are weird enough, but ones with blood stains are just too much. Also, Kevin can collect a bell that gives him a screw attack ability like Samus in Super Metroid. Does anyone remember the part of the movie where Kevin spins around in the air like a buzz saw? I know that a game doesn’t have to follow the source material exactly, but it’s strange when they take a franchise that is essentially grounded in reality and give the main character superhuman powers, especially when the character is a little kid. How many maids did you kill with your spinning death technique, Kevin? There is blood on your hands.

 

So, I’m just going to call this one before it gets out of hand. The more I play this game the more I want to talk about how weird it is. The developer, Imagineering, seemed to specialize in mediocre licensed titles, and for about three years they were really cranking them out. It certainly implies a quantity over quality approach. Also, aren’t Imagineers the people who build Disney attractions? They were totally trying to fool people with that name. I had trouble ranking this one because all the THQ games are starting to get clumped together in my brain.  I did like it a little bit better than Wayne’s World, so it’s raising all the way up to #143 just below Burly Men at Sea. Actually, playing all these terrible 8-bit games makes Burly Men at Sea seem much better. Why did I dislike that game so much? Anyway, I think I’m just changing the subject, so I don’t have to talk about THQ anymore. Six of the seven lowest rated NES games are all by the same cursed publisher. Only Bad Street Brawler has the stuff to hang out with the worst of the worst. I only have three more to go, so I don’t think I’m going to lose any more of my sanity, but I really need to play something better when I’m done. Are there any good NES games out there?

 

NES Quality Percentage: 21/42 or 50%